It’s that time again. Valentine’s Day. Then spring. Then comes the engagements and weddings and you have to answer the dreaded question: You +1?
Seriously. It’s the worst.
Of course, this means that all your accomplishments are no longer valid or important. The important thing is that you’re single. SINGLE. Just one.
While you may not feel ashamed, other people certainly feel the shame for you.
Then, people you haven’t talked to reach out and ask to start setting you up. Because they want to see you with someone. I get it. I’m willing to do it. B
While I know it can be stressful to manage the social calendar for us single folk while balancing your other duties (to spouse or significant other, or to children), I hope these tips can keep you from making mistakes that could affect your friendship.
Consider WHY You Want to Set Them Up
The answer to this question of “why” shouldn’t be “because you’re both single.” If it is, go back to the drawing board. Take time to make sure you know each person involved at least a little bit and pair accordingly.
Always Confirm Before Giving Phone Number
It’s a crazy crazy world out there. A girl has got to be safe. So please always check with her before handing her number to a stranger (for her). And do it before the stranger reaches out to her. Because there’s nothing like getting the explanation from said stranger that one of her friends has decided to play Yenta.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
You are not a matchmaker. Unless you’ve set up 5 couples and they are still happily together.
It is critical then to be cool. Relax. Don’t force the relationship. Let people figure it out on their own.
Don’t tell either person how perfect this match is going to be. And don’t start telling other people that this is a match made in heaven. I don’t want to feel like I’m disappointing both my friend and my date’s mother when things don’t go well.
Let It Go
Never ever EVER ask to go on the date. No double date for the first time. We are adults (hopefully). We can and should make our own plans. Plus, double dates now feel like a time for me to talk and visit with the other couple, rather than getting to know my date.
Just listen to Elsa and let it go. Let the couple have their time to see if their compatible. You can get the details later (and even get to hear both sides!)
How the Date Goes Will be a Reflection on You
Maybe it’s just me, but based on the guy you set me up with, I will judge you.
Probably a lot nicer than Loki.
Truthfully, I will spend a good minute thinking: “This is the guy you think I would connect with?! How? WHY?!” It will be a reflection on you and how well I think you know me. And you may not get the chance to do it again. So make sure you’ve picked a good one.
A long time ago, I used to use one question as a benchmark of whether or not I’d allow someone to set me up:
Name one TV show that I either currently watch or own on DVD.
If you can answer that, I feel like you know me well enough to set me up.
I probably need to go back to that rule.